This Just In...

Possibly the only thing worse than the new Ying Yang Twins song is a Ying Yang Twins/Adam Levine of Maroon 5 duet. Where's Fred Durst when he's needed? Once I sacrifice my ears to experience this aural assault expect a full report here. Developing...

David Verses Goliath - June 29. 2005

It's not the music's fault I'm an average DJ.

Download DvsG

Pt. 1 (DvsG starts at 26:25)
Pt. 2
Pt. 3

Tracklisting (favorites in bold)

Wolf Parade- Shine A Light
Tegan & Sara- Walking With a Ghost
The Subways- Oh Yeah
The Deathray Davies- Stumble
Teenage Fanclub- It's All In My Mind
Aqueduct- Five Star Day
Andrew Bird- Measuring Cups
Ghostland Observatory- Best Won't Do
Caribou- Hello Hammerheads
Battery- Gangsta's Paradise
Feist- Inside and Out (Ewan Pearson & Al Usher Extended Dub)
Soulwax- Another Excuse (DFA Remix)
Daft Punk- Technologic (Peaches No Logic Remix)
Death From Above 1979- Luno (Bloc Party cover)
The Futureheads- Hounds of Love (Phones' Wolves At The Door Remix)
The New Pornographers- Use It
Stylophonic- If Everybody In The World Loved Everybody In The World
Elf Power- Walking With The Beggar Boys
Black Mountain- Heart of Snow
Eels- The Other Shoe
Adem-These Are Your Friends
Montag- Perfect Vision
Shout Out Louds- Very Loud
Head of Femur- Percy
The Grates- The Message
The Colour- Open Up The Boulevards
The Colour- Tambourine

Making Amends

So the Villanueva pick was odd, but Babcock is on the way to redeeming himself with Graham at 16 and Ukic at 41!!! He doesn't even have to give him guaranteed money now for one of the more underrated PGs out there. If he comes over right away it will be interesting to see how all three of them play out together.

Dick Vitale: Retarded Nationalist

So Dick Vitale reveals now that it's not so bad if teams draft high school players after railing against them for years. Why? Two international players go back to back at 11 and 12, after none were taken in the first 10 picks. Basically Vitale is batshit crazy and would do a good job working in tandem with Rob Babcock.

This guy used to be bad discriminating on age alone, now he's turning into a xenophobe too. At least he has Stephen A. Smith in his corner. Hopefully nobody mentions to them the current NBA MVP was born in Canada.

Charlie Villanueva

Dear Charlie,

I really like you as a player, but you just don't fit my team. It's not your fault, we are run by a team of idiots. Something about too many cooks in the kitchen or something. Don't worry, you're going to love the strip clubs and certainly you'll have a friend in Gustavo Chacin, but quite frankly you just don't belong. Denham Brown can give you a tour of the city, but I wouldn't buy a house anytime soon. Again, nothing personal, you're just not #7 material.

Love,

Moving in the Margins

2005 NBA Mock Draft

We're about 3 hours away from the draft, so I have left it to the last minute to get the most accurate picture of guessing who is going where. Without further ado... I did mad lame colours for the first ten picks as well!

1. Milwaukee Bucks - Andrew Bogut - Pretty self-explanatory, should eventually become a dominant player.
2. Atlanta Hawks - Marvin Williams - The most physically talented, but creates a logjam with Harrington, Childress, and Josh Smith playing the same spot.
3. Utah Jazz - Deron Williams - No secret everyone wants the biggest PG with skills, it'll be interesting to see how he fits into Sloan's system.
4. New Orleans Hornets - Chris Paul - With Deron gone the Hornets settle for Paul who is quicker but questions about size remain.
5. Charlotte Bobcats - Gerald Green - Many have them taking Raymond Felton but there's no sense taking him this high when it's possible to get him as low as their next pick.
6. Portland Trailblazers - Martell Webster - Everyone's saying their interest in Webster is a smokescreen to let Green fall to them, but I think Portland is intrigued with the best shooting prospect to come out of high school in a long time. No small consolation prize.
7. Toronto Raptors - Danny Granger - Granger is an interesting pick, mainly because he is the safe choice here and the Raptors look like they'd like to do something other than play it safe, despite last year's debacle.
8. New York Knicks - Channing Frye - If he gets past the Raptors this is almost automatic.
9. Golden State Warriors - Hakim Warrick - Could slip down if not taken here, Chris Mullin takes popularity over potential.
10. Los Angeles Lakers - Raymond Felton - The need a PG, here's a very good one.
11. Orlando Magic - Joey Graham - Orlando doesn't see a big man they like, takes an athletic slasher.
12. Los Angeles Clippers - Andrew Bynum - Since Korolev's name has been mentioned ad nauseum at 12, I'm betting the consensus isn't true. Even with their improvements, the Clippers are going to screw up the development of this high schooler. Livingston last year was just too good to be anything but a no-brainer.
13. Charlotte Bobcats - Antoine Wright - Charlotte needs scoring and size, get both here.
14. Minnesota Timberwolves - Charlie Villanueva - They'd prefer more of a tweener like Warrick, will settle for an Odom in training.
15. New Jersey Nets - Sean May - Seen as more of a quicker fit than Fran Vazquez.
16. Toronto Raptors - Fran Vazquez - Many have them drafting Ukic here, but I'm not convinced they've given up on Rafer yet to draft a PG this high.
17. Indiana Pacers - Fransisco Garcia - Consistent scorer to make people forget about Reggie Miller.
18. Boston Celtics - Yaroslav Korolev - Not the best way to replace Paul Pierce (if the rumours are true), but very high upside here that Ainge won't be able to pass on.
19. Memphis Grizzlies - Roko Ukic - The final nail in Jason Williams' coffin. Not sure if Memphis keeps this pick, they'll be busy making moves to blow up their current lineup.
20. Denver Nuggets - Johan Petro - Giant in the middle with some size to him. Needs to avoid becoming Jerome Moiso.
21. Phoenix Suns - Rashad McCants - Another player who can run the floor on a team full of them.
22. Denver Nuggets - Jarrett Jack - Backup for Andre Miller.
23. Sacremento Kings - Chris Taft - Once a top 5 lock, concerns about attitude, effort have really hurt his stock.
24. Houston Rockets - Ike Diogu - Help up front for Yao, as long as his lack of size doesn't turn out to be a problem.
25. Seattle Supersonics - CJ Miles - Talented high schooler who can learn under Ray Allen. Note to Sonics: resign Ray Allen.
26. Detroit Pistons - Monta Ellis - This would be a strange pick, but they have lots of time to develop a young PG in the same vein as they have time to develop Milicic (still not a failure in my books.)
27. Portland Trailblazers - Martynas Andriuskevicius - Another huge drop, possibly Maciej Lampe all over again.
28. San Antonio Spurs - Julius Hodge - Underrated scorer, can play SF and SG.
29. Miami Heat - Wayne Simien - The player who will eventually cost Udonis Haslem his starting job.
30. New York Knicks - Andray Blatche - More size for the undersized.

As for the Raptors, if they can get at least one of Green, Webster, and Bynum they'll be happy, but outside of moving up or down, they're just in an awkward spot and cut their losses with a solid senior and the most NBA ready international player.

2005 Albums of the Year so far

Because I don't think I'll really give a fair assessment of early releases in the end of year spectacular, this list is as much for me as it is for you. You won't see many repeats from the list I did in March, but the beginning of the year is always slower.

*Special Prize* for song title of the year so far: Out Hud - Dear Mr. Bush, There Are Over 100 Words For Shit And Only 1 For Music. Fuck You, Out Hud

2005 albums of the year to date

10. The Deathray Davies - The Kick and the Snare - Underwhelming but well produced. Doesn't try to beat you over the head with anything, more of a slip something in your drink kind of subtlety to it.
09. Supersystem - Always Never Again - LCD Soundsystem Jr., which I wouldn't consider much of an insult if it came from a reputable music critic instead of me. Nevertheless...
08. Aqueduct - I Sold Gold - What happens when you don't listen as much to a piece of music because you overplayed it. Great album, but I ruined it for myself.
07. Thunderbirds Are Now - Justamustache - Living here for the last four and a half years, it's taken until now to really become enamored with a band from the D. Justamustasche doesn't afford you the chance to catch your breath, which is probably a good thing given the air quality around here.
06. The Magic Numbers - The Magic Numbers - My new UK staple.
05. LCD Soundsystem - LCD Soundsystem - It's tough to create a double cd with no filler, but James Murphy seems to have the right recipe here. This is the kind of record that I wish I knew how to dance to.
04. Bloc Party - Silent Alarm - Their live show certainly elevates the album that much more.
03. The National - Alligator - This one grew on me a bit, and initially was only attracted to a few songs but the consistency from beginning to end is something most groups should aspire to.
02. Andrew Bird - Andrew Bird & The Mysterious Production of Eggs - Great songwriting, and I've always had a thing for violins in pop music so this certainly fits in.
01. Architecture in Helsinki - In Case We Die - I regret missing their Detroit show two weeks or so ago, but you've never walked from the tunnel a mile or two down Woodward at midnight before.

Honorable mention: Spoon- Gimme Fiction, Brazilian Girls- Brazilian Girls, Common- Be, Fischerspooner- Odyssey, Kaiser Chiefs- Employment, Doves- Some Cities

David verses Goliath - June 22, 2005

Big show, almost now at the point of no technical errors which is a good thing for you and me both. What can I say, I like Wolf Parade.

Download DvsG

Pt. 1 (my show starts 24:30 in, apparently we're giving away Intonation tickets now)
Pt. 2
Pt. 3

Tracklistings (favorites in bold)

Babyshambles - Fuck Forever
Veruca Salt - Seether
Editors - Blood
The Stills - Fevered
The High Dials - Soul In Lust
Ben Folds - Landed
The Coral - Something Inside of Me
Wolf Parade - Disco Sheets
Gorillaz - El Manana
Fischerspooner - All We Are
The New Pornographers - The Bleeding Heart Show
Idlewild - I Want A Warning
Ghostland Observatory - Edge of Town
Basement Jaxx - Samba Magic
M.I.A. - Superlangalang (cry.on.my.console remix)
Feist - Mushaboom (mocky remix)
Faithless - One Step Too Far
The Floor - Drown Inside
The Diskettes - Pop Pop Beat
Wolf Parade - Lousy Pictures
Golden Birds - Sugarbear
Moneen - I Have Never...
Motion City Soundtrack - Pop Song 89 (REM cover)
Stereophonics - Superman
White Town - Your Woman
The Adam Brown - Out In Nowhere
The Deathray Davies- The Fall Fashions
Wolf Parade - Shine A Light

Sunday Happy Fun Time

• Michelin embarrasses Formula 1 in the one country where a good race is actually needed to heighten interest- 6 cars finished the race, 2 on the lead lap!
• The beginning of eBay's downfall: Google to introduce Paypal-like service. Hopefully this actually forces eBay to take customer concerns about their fees more seriously.
• Frank Chromewaves reports new Cardigans album October 17!
• Based on my track & field experience this morning, Slate looks at the accuracy of T&F records. Way to crush Asafa Powell's spirit.
• 10 year-old kid suing the Mississauga Hockey League cause his dad was barred from the dressing room after a game. The worst part is that the kid was playing Novice White- like you need to bring anymore attention to the fact you got no skills! House league resets...
• Free gift bags have never sounded lamer.
• Russell Shorto has a great piece in the Times' magazine section on the bible thumpers real objections to gay marriage- apparently they still think they can cure the gay 'condition'. Summed up in no less than 8000 words too!
• The new Wolf Parade EP is perfect, four songs that make you hope a full length comes sooner rather than later. If you want to hear it listen to the show this Wednesday or you'll have to wait until July...

Special Olympics here I come

I wish I could say I was training for the Pan-Am Junior Games next month here in Windsor, but I'm a little older than that now and not much of an athlete, outside of soccer, baseball, and golf (average at best in those too.)

But because I care so much about physical fitness (isn't it obvious) I went to work out at the University's supposed new crown jewel, the athletic centre and stadium that we're spending all $25 million on to host the Games and 4 football games a year.

The only problem of course is that financing that was supposed to be in place at this point has not materialized. Yes, the stadium has been built, although the University had to borrow money from itself to finance the construction. The City is looking at the Province who in turn is looking to Ottawa to meet their funding obligations before they subsequently fall in line.

Meanwhile construction is pretty much completed, and quite frankly the end result is nowhere near what I'd envision for an investment of 25 mil. For 25 mil the university could've hired Alex Rodriguez for a year to help with recruitment for '05-'06 which is dropping considerably from the plum two years they've come to enjoy.

While all the major items are in place, I can't get over how crappy it looks. The seating is atrocious, with these plastic seat type devices built into the concrete. There's also a protruding screw at the back of the base of each seat which I guarantee is going to poke many in the ass and lead to many ripped pants/shorts/skirts (potential there).

Apparently the new colours of the school are blue and symbolically yellow, because on top of being uncomfortable to sit in they've already lost their original colour and don't even match the rest of the yellow paint around the stadium.

The sod everywhere hasn't taken, and combined with the number of already broken irrigation heads, already features large dead spots. Brilliant. The infield is nowhere close to being level and is more reminiscent to a WWII bunker than a place where football and soccer will one day be played, not that it matters much here since it's usually the fans who'll want to hide in the trenches.

While Windsor is known for its track team, it will never be known for its track- in fact I can't recall if I've ever seen an actual track made of pavement. It doesn't seem very conducive to running and in my limited experience find it very hard on the feet. Maybe I'm wrong but aren't most tracks made of some sort of clay composite?

The long jump pits have a concrete lip to them, which seems odd since I always thought they were supposed to be flush with the ground. I will say the steeplechase and hammer-toss areas look really good, but I mean come on, if that's what counts as a stadium's saving grace then are they ever in trouble.

With the Games scheduled to begin in less than a month, I would be a little worried at this point with little in the way of sponsorship commitments. Ticket sales will also be interesting to track, mainly because they keep talking as though they'll have no problem selling out a stadium with a 4000-5000 person capacity when they have trouble getting 1000 out to a football game.

As for yours truly, yes the beast is back. Known throughout the 905 for that wonderous Grade 6 track season where the legend of Stack qualified for the regional 400 metres finals and led coming down the homestretch only to fade instantly and finish last (some say just another disappointing Canadian track performance, I say I paved the way for Perdita Felicien.) Anyways, with little to no warmup I ran two laps, timing myself with a DKNY, an obvious stopwatch given the location I find myself in.

The first lap, also known as the pace lap, was consistent but I could tell I had more to give, and clocked in at around 1:25. After doing a few shot puts with a big hunk of asphalt (remember: Windsor) the final lap began. Of course this time the start/finish line would be parallel to the giant hole in the stadium fence that I could escape through when finished and hit the McDonald's for a breakfast, but that's just the common sense thinking any highly tuned athlete would employ.

As the long hand of the watch hit :00 I took off like Michael Jackson heading towards the ball pit of a McDonald's play place. And 200 metres in everything was looking great. At that point I thought I probably could qualify for one of those crappy Pan Am countries like St. Lucia and actually race in this. But of course that was only the halfway point which my brain took longer to realize than my heart and legs did (I have no heart. I also have a fondness for finishing sentences with the period within parentheses.)

The second half almost induced a stroke, and yet somehow I finished in around 1:12, not bad considering I don't think I'd ever been under 1:30 in high school. Of course even back then there were guys doing around 55 seconds, but I'm trying to make you fall in love with me here. Despite completely losing all energy, the trip to get a mcmuffin was probably faster than anything I tried to do.

All in all quite the trip to the gym, twice in the last three weeks is some sort of record I think. Maybe now I'll only die of congestive heart failure at 67 instead of 63. Perfs.

P.S. While it's probably better not to forget installing flagpoles for the medal ceremonies, it might be wise to install some sort of scoreboard for any fans interested in actually seeing 'results'. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the boys from Belize aren't coming simply for an exhibition then over to Faces once they're done. In fact here's hoping nobody goes there thinking it is a representation of Canadian food. With that said I bet the Cuban team dines there every night in the hopes it convinces none of their members that defecting would be a smart move.

David verses Goliath - June 15, 2005

The summer keeps rolling right along, and the onlsaught of great new music doesn't appear to be letting up anytime soon. Much like the movie season, summer is full of big releases, but all the Oscar winners tend to come out in the fall.

Download D vs. G

pt. 1 (Dvs.G starts at the 22:45 mark into it)
pt. 2
pt. 3

Tracklisting (favorites in bold)

Youth Group- Shadowland
Youth Group- Skeleton Jar
Stephen Malkmus- Pencil Rot
Sons and Daughters- Dance Me In
Snow Patrol- Crazy in Love (BBC Sessions)
Paul Anka- Smells Like Teen Spirit
Jamiroquai- Hot Tequila Brown
DJ Yoda- Annie Mac Mini Mix
Bloc Party- Luno (Polysics Harajuku Remix)
Gorillaz- November Has Come
The Dead 60s- Riot Radio
Thunderbirds Are Now!- Eat This City
The Magic Numbers- Forever Lost
The Tears- Refugees
Soft- You Make Me Wanna Die
Jose Gonzalez- Hints
The Dears- Who Are You, Defenders of the Universe
The Organ- We've Got to Meet
She Wants Revenge- Out of Control
The Gardens Faithful- When You Get Back From Montreal
The Most Serene Republic- Content Was Always My Favorite Colour
Kids These Days- Intoxicated
Pendulum vs. Freestylers- Fasten Your Seatbelt
Daft Punk- Technologic (Basement Jaxx Remix)
Telex- Twist a St. Tropez
The Floor- Guilt of Silence
Tom Vek- If I Had Changed My Mind
The Magic Numbers- Hymn for Her
Emilie Simon- I Wanna Be Your Dog

Monday

• Death From Above 1979 stream their version of Luno by Bloc Party over on their MySpace page.
• Chris over at Pop77 has a relatively new mix that will keep you engaged for 79 consecutive minutes - Download it.
• If you don't watch Entourage yet, you're really missing out. Season 2 is already two episodes deep, you have some catching up to do. You can even download them here.
• Canadian Atiba Hutchinson possibly to sign with Birmingham? If it happens, it will definitely be much easier to support them in the pursuit of a potential new favorite club. Should the need arise of course.

The Gift for the Person Who Has Everything

Your wardrobe will not be complete without a limited edition Gary, Indiana commemorative Miss USA Pageant 2001 t-shirt. Even four years later demand is keeping the price right at a solid $15. Wear it with pride and show those snobs at the Miss America pageant Gary means business. When people say they want less government certainly they're not talking about cutting off that lucrative novelty t-shirt arm, state casinos need some competition for your dollar anyway.

Weekend notes

• If you needed any more reason not to do meth, hopefully this NYT article will set you straight. Attractive!
• Josh Rubin featured a post the other day featuring eyeglasses maker supreme ic! berlin, current specs of yours truly. The new frames they're featuring are quite the stylemaker, if only I had a good 400 bucks to throw around...
• Damon Albarn vs. Bob Geldof (via Guardian)
• More from the Guardian: ExxonMobil bends over Bush to dump Kyoto talks.
• It was only a matter of time before the terms 'Jackson superfan' and 'restraining order' appeared in the same story.
• Math tutor supreme: Winnie Cooper!

David verses Goliath - June 08, 2005

Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I've been in Africa vaccinating children for small pox and malaria.

While I didn't post the show right away, it appears the archives are offline at the moment so no links to the show. Instead, you get the benefit of listening to a lot of the tracks without dj interruptions from yours truly.

Tracklisting (favorites in bold)

the russian futurists - still life
kaiser chiefs- oh my god
kaiser chiefs- born to be a dancer
the dears- summer of protest
xiu xiu- muppet face
youth group - skeleton jar
art brut - good weekend
shout out out out out - nobody calls me unless they want something
novillero - the hypothesist
the adam brown - hungry thirsty for you
kids these days - sink in your teeth
the diskettes - 12345
head of femur - acme: the summit of a mountain
the juan maclean - shining skinned
lcd soundsystem/franz & shape - daft punk is playing at my house/countach (soulwax mix)
nine inch nails - the hand that feeds (dfa remix)
m.i.a. - uraqt (meeting in the ladies room)
robin thicke - i want to love you girl
the organ - i am not surprised
the arcade fire- cold wind
the arcade fire- cars and telephones
stirling - cote d'azur
the lovely feathers- fudgicle
neutral mute - no no no
clap your hands say yeah - over and over again (lost and found)
animal collective & vashti bunyan - prospect hummer
youth group - someone else's dream

Having looked at this map, the 1.6 mile walk from Crobar Chicago to Arlington House shouldn't have taken an hour and a half. But then you factor in the alcohol. And the darkness. And the fact we hadn't been to that area yet. And that it was our first day ever in Chicago. So you can see how once we got back, sleeping in a room full of strangers and vagrants didn't seem so bad in comparison.

June Playlist

Click on the image to enlarge. The big thing this month for me is a new potential frontrunner for album of the year in Architecture In Helsinki- what the Arcade Fire might sound like if nobody had died. Having only listened once to the new Xiu Xiu as well, I can see that becoming quite the grower as well.

Technological determinism + the weekend that was

Amongst the highlights of my weekend which will be discussed ad nauseum for sometime into the forseeable future, one of my good friends Chris Gillett came down for the weekend for both the England game and Fuse-In Detroit. CJAM dedicated their entire programming lineup for the weekend to covering the festival, with live simulcasts of Kevin Saunderson, Juan Atkins, Mos Def, etc. But also had the chance to showcase many upcoming DJs with live sets to compliment the programming across the river.

Chris plays a lot of house, but absolutely destroys techno records. His mixing skills are filthy disgusting, and it's only a matter of time before he's playing weekly in Toronto, Detroit, and eventually Europe. So when the opportunity to spin on-air came around, how could anyone say no? Techno is a lot more intricate than people give it credit for, and often gets summarily dismissed as simply the art of tweaking monotony. I would argue that people who think like that probably haven't heard enough to really give a legitimately harsh assessment.

With that said, here's your chance. Listen to part of the set, and tell me what you think. I'd provide the whole thing, but the shmuck on before us disconnected the decks to plug in a drum machine (?) so technical issues were not the artists fault.

Chris Gillett in the mix
Pt. 1
Pt. 2

Chicago Pictures

100_0142
Originally uploaded by MitM.

I put pictures online over at Flickr, check them here. Such a good trip, can't recommend Chicago any more highly. It's like Toronto, but trying. If you have the chance to go I would strongly advise you to do so. I don't think I saw a single ugly person all weekend. Which is probably a good thing, but looks should really be value-free.

As for the game itself, perfect atmosphere. The travelling English were diagonally across from us some we only got sparse amounts of singing but the crowd certainly was pro-Brit all the way. Kieran Richardson hit two nice goals on his debut (including a great freekick in the 4th minute) and the defence and midfield controlled the game in large spells.

Tomorrow I'll put up a bit of a summary from the Detroit leg of the adventure, although the events are already getting a little hazy in my head. In the meantime preparations have begun on the next trip, a slightly larger undertaking - Germany 2006. Only 12 months to go...

David Verses Goliath - June 01, 2005

Decent show today, despite 3 hours sleep and trying some new things, it mostly worked out in the end.

Download DvsG
Pt. 1 (Starts at 18:55 into the file)
Pt. 2
Pt. 3

Tracklisting (Favorites in Bold)
A.C. Newman- On the Table
Phoenix- If I Ever Feel Better
Air- La Femme d'Argent
Gorillaz- Bill Murray
Edwin Starr- War (King Britt remix)
Billy Corgan- Walking Shade
The New Pornographers- The Laws Have Changed
Richard Cheese- Sunday Bloody Sunday (U2 cover)
Les Georges Leningrad- Bad Smells
Interpol- Song Seven
Lemon Jelly- Stay With You
Jaga Jazzist- Oslo Skyline
Sun Ra- Sunology
Supersystem- Miracle
Miss Fairchild- Foreign Lands
Prodigy- Girls
The Rapture vs. Mobb Deep- Got It Twisted Sister
Wolf Parade- You Are a Runner, And I Am My Father's Son
The Coral- Something Inside of Me
Beck- Broken Drum (Boards of Canada remix)
Jose Gonzalez- Crosses
The Sun- Must Be You
Hexes & Ohs- The Horse's Myth
M83- A Guitar And A Heart
M.I.A.- China Girl (Diplo remix)
Richard Cheese- Been Caught Stealing (Jane's Addiction cover)

And of course it wouldn't be Beckham without some form of self-publicity, like hitting free kicks into the East River by the Brooklyn Bridge.

Then We Did This

Beckham & Owen showed up and kept the party going - England 3, Columbia 2.

First We Did This...

We can score goals even when we're flying - 2-1 England. Despite what the FIFA ranking say, the US isn't anywhere close to England's level. Have fun whipping the Netherland Antilles of the world, that's about all you can expect.

"No Lewis, it makes you look like you're only 300 pounds now."

What every nerd would want...if they could just get that weight issue in check enough to actually be able to balance on a bicycle. Don't worry, your giant fat fold won't be noticeable under that tight spandex shirt at all.